


counting to you.

by archura



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Nothing Explicit Happens, Probably Very Triggering, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archura/pseuds/archura
Summary: One, two, three, four, five.
Relationships: Kevin Day & Neil Josten, Kevin Day/Neil Josten
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	counting to you.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while I was in a very bad mental place. Took me 2 and a half hours to complete. I didn't proofread it. Projecting my own feelings and instincts. Probably triggering if you are suicidal. Nothing explicit happens.

_one, two , three, four, five_

Five steps to the ledge.

_one, two, three_

Three more steps to the fall.

_one,_

_two_

_three_

_four_

_five_

_six_

_seven_

_the end_

Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay. Close your eyes. It's fine. 

Open your arms. 

Close them.

Look at the sky one last time. Count the stars. 

_one, two, three, four, five_

Stop counting. Look at the moon. Look how it shines. It's big. Full moon today. 

Take a deep breath. 

_one, two, three, jump_

_one_

Why it is so hard?

_two_

How much will it hurt?

_three_

**  
  
  
  
**

_ju-_

**  
  
  
  
  
**

**["Neil!"](https://youtu.be/bpEJp4jaA5I)** They call out his name.

**_I wasn't looking for you_ **

_One, two , three_

Three steps back to the ground. To the safe.

**  
  
**

“Can you come here?” He asks. He. It’s Kevin.

**  
  
  
**

**_but you found me_ **

**  
  
  
**

“Do you need Andrew?”

**  
  
**

**_you found me_ **

**  
  
  
**

“No.” Neil says. That’s his name. _Neil Josten_. 

**  
  
**

“Kevin.” He says. Doesn't dare to turn his head to look at him.

The moon looks beautiful. 

How shameful it would be not to look at it.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten, eleven._

Eleven steps from the door to the ledge.

_One, two, three, four._

Kevin only needs four.

**  
  
**

“Neil,”

**_you asked me_ **

**  
  
  
**

“Can I hold your hand?”

**_do you wanna die alone?_ **

**  
  
  
**

“Yes.”

**_I said I'd rather try to hold on to you forever_ **

**  
  
  
  
**

Kevin holds his hand. It’s not gentle. No. It is tight, Neil can swear Kevin’s fingers will leave bruises.

Kevin holds his hand. Then he pulls him. Two steps to the back.

Then he is in the air. Except there is no falling. His feet find the ground.

There are arms around him. Holding, wrapping him like a lifeline.

**  
  
**

“I got you.” He says.

**  
  
**

**_If the sky darkens above you_ **

**_I'll stay by your side in the afterglow_ **

“I got you.”

**  
  
**

**_But when it passes and I see your eyes_ **

**  
  
  
**

They sit to the ground together. Kevin’s arms never stops wrapping his body. 

He is Kevin’s lap now. Kevin places his chin to Neil’s shoulder.

**  
  
  
**

**_I know there's nothin' I'll ever find better_ **

**  
  
  
**

“Do I still have you?” Kevin whispers. 

**  
  
  
**

**_I think I'd rather die alone, together_ **

**  
  
  
  
**

Neil feels the way Kevin’s hands shakes as he continues holding him.

**  
  
  
**

**_Cause I know that I will love you_ **

**  
  
  
**

“I don’t know.” Neil holds a sob.

**  
  
**

**_And I'm not letting go_ **

**  
  
  
**

He feels a gentle kiss on his neck. The arms hold tighter.

**  
  
  
**

“Close your eyes.” Kevin says.

**  
  
**

Neil closes his eyes.

**  
  
**

**_I wasn't looking for you_ **

**  
  
  
**

“What do you see?”

**  
  
  
**

_One, two, three, four, five._

_Five seconds._

**  
  
  
**

“You.”

**  
  
  
**

**_but you found me_ **


End file.
